I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I’d thought it’d be easy
But no on believes me
I meant all the things that I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy that nothing could save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

(On my own!)

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

I tried so hard to change but i need more time. Things aren't easy. Its easier said than done. Support is what i need. Family and friends are all around me giving support but i can never run away from problems. Each problems give me strength to carry on. Life is so hard these days. All those times i made u down. All the trust that was given is now gone. But still you shower me with your love and happiness. Without you i'll be lost. The nights and days wouldn't be the same without you. If only i never made that stupid mistake, i would never know how you love me so much. After the things i've done to you and all can say is that I'm sorry but it is so hard to say it. All these things that i've done and look at what i've become. You mean so much to me. If I could start again, I would throw it all away to the shadows of regrets and you would have the best of me. I know that I can't take back all of the mistakes but I will try. Although it's not easy, I know you believe me cause I would not lie. Just give me a chance to make things right. I'll assure you that things are not going to be the same. I'll not let the black history to repeat itself. Just give me a chance.

Went to study at Plaza with Ameer and Marissa. Studied, talked and as usual joke around. Bought pearly bandung at mr bean. Wah $2 gone. T.T Well met up with Sabrina and Adha at about 5.30pm then went to Sabrina's house and that is when the party begins. Had to wear make up, lipstick and eye lashes. Don't what is wrong with. Fell like I'm becoming a gay. This few weeks, sat like one, walk like one and my hand can't control. Well back to the party. My face changed from a man to a gay and Marissa said i look beautiful. OMG!!! Adha and Ameer too had to the same thing. Took some pictures and i was so embarrassed of myself. tried washing those things from my face but can'!!! WAH!! After that went home and was so tired. I won't become a gay man. NEVER!! haha okay that's all folks, see ya!

Stayed at home with nothing to do. Today suppose to go out with the Famillia but i can't cause today i have religious class. So stayed at home. Surf the net and did nothing much. Listen to musics in youtube. All the 80's rock bands. Cool huh? Well nothing much to post today. If i continue on further, you could hear all my stupid remarks about today hahaha. Well that's all folks nights!!

Yesterday was so boring. Message all my friends and called Ameer. Then at night played uno with Ameer all the way till 12 am. Was fun actually. Today in school, had 5 stations for P.E. Maths lesson as usual, boring haha. Nothing much happen in school actually. Hais why so boing?? Someone or anyone message me, I need someone to entertain me. Damn boring, wish there is a show or performance that i can go to. Study for all my test and now nothing to do. You expect me to study again? Oh please no way. Study once can already. Everything is in my head now. I don't want to overload any information to my brains. Later brain breakdown. Eh, brain breakdown?? Isn't that dead?? hahaha well obviously many want me dead haha. How irritating i can be? Well it couldn't be worse than anything. Could it? hahaha. Life is a one big game. Where only the winners are getting paid. That's a lesson to be learn. Well that's all folks. Post another time. Now i want to continue on drawing flowers and stupid stuff on my sketchbook. Since that's the only thing i can do. Feel bored or lonely, just text me. CAUSE THAT IS WHAT I FEEL RIGHT NOW LOSERS!!! HAHAHA!

Had became an Indonesian maid for 8 hours... during my tuition around 9.30am got a call from Sabrina. Was shocked to see her name on my call list as she never wake up that early. Picked up her call and she asked whether I'm free today? So I said yes. She asked for help cause her sister is engaging today. Went to her house and saw a few people eating. Saw Adha and Ameer at a bench and was sitting there relaxing. The best part is that they said it was done. I sigh and say " What the hell, I ran like a mad dog to help" They laughed at me. Chatted with them for awhile. Then went to eat. Saw this lady, a cousin of Sabrina. She was pretty. Laugh and joke around bout her. Then people finished eating and the dishwasher went for a break. So I helped and wash the dishes. Adha and Ameer then joined. Phew, as more and more plates, cups and utensils came in, we were tired. The fun part then began. The rain was pouring like cats and dogs. All my shirt and pants was soak with water. They then splashed lots of water on me. What else, we started playing water, spraying on each other but I hate when the part where the utensils keep on coming one after another. We were frustrated and just keep on washing and washing while playing with the water. Around 6 plus, our job was nearly done but then more plates keep on coming in. WAH!!! Have to clean again the area and the plates. My clothes are damn wet and couldn't take in anymore job. Then finally the job was completely done. With all my clothes wet, i straight away went home and don't care about anything.

To Adha and Ameer: THAT WAS THE MOST ENJOYING AND SUDDEN DAY!!!
To Sabrina: Thanks for the food and hard labour. Hahaha
To Sabrina's sister: All the best with your companion.

MARCH HOLDAY IS COMING!!! WOOHOOO!!! Finally can rest for awhile. Peace from everything. Well today had sports day, came late around 7.35am. To me is very late. Marked our attendance and report at the competitors corner. That old lady cam after that. HAHAHAHA. She was nervous as usual. All 1st timers are like that. What to do? When she was about to run told her to breath in and out. Make her "relax" a bit. HAHA. After all the event its was the 4X100 meter. exchange with Ameer so become the 1st runner. Scared he couldn't make it so exchange. Things got bad when it was Nizam turns to run. He slows down a lot but won 4th place. After that went off for the CCA relay. Adha said i run so fast. Pass 4 student. But in the end got a 3rd last position. HAHAHA. Did face paint on my face. A pirate face to be exact. Went to Lot 1 and eat with our "hilarious" face. Played block catching. Then went home. So tiring. Okay i'll continue chatting with this old woman, Rachael hahaha

Memories come and go. Just like the time that pass. It just never feels the same. Why must it be this way? What went wrong? The best friends I knew are now gone. fading away one by one just like the leaves that fall down to the ground. All the joys we had. All the pain we faced and all the love we shared were the times we had. The bond between us all was so strong that nothing could break us apart. I thought we could last forever but my thought was wrong. We are now like a building that are full of cracks. One earthquake could bring it down. i think and reflect about us. We are facing and breaking apart. That is not what I want. first it was Kat. Now Adha and Sabrina. Next who?. Ameer? Hasbi? Marissa? Seeing KAt leaving us because of his boyfriend was when my anger start to grows. The flame that is burning make me dislike their relationship but who am I to interfere? I am just a a man who have no will to fight. I prayed to God to give me strength every hour to face it but my anger keeps on burning seeing him. Adha and Sabrina, you guys were like the happiest couples I've ever seen. Ameer and Hasbi was the joker among us but now those jokes don't even work. Marissa was like a singer that sings with her lovely voice bringing peace in our hearts but now the peace is gone. Marissa and Sabrina, you guys were like sisters, going out every weekends and spent the time together but because of an innocent man that came between you guys was what make you guys break apart. You might see me smiling every single day lightening up your day but actually I'm hurt inside. The wound which has one cure can save me. I sit at the window seeing the lovely sky thinking of those wonderful times we had. If only I could reverse time, I would want to be in those glorious moment. All those times, the love that that was building up now shatters as the days goes by. If only you guys read this, I would want you guys to understand.

----Everybody's Changing------
You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same